I think the only thing harder than losing someone that you care about is watching them walk away. It's one thing to cope with a complete loss, but that is a change that is so drastic it demands adaptation. But when you care about someone and they just don't seem to get it... it sucks. A lot. It frustrates me that we can get so caught up in ourselves that we just begin to fall apart at the seams. Of course this is nothing that a little bit of fine tailoring couldn't fix, but it seems so hard to thread that needle to begin repairs.
Anyways, I'm sitting outside in a hoodie and shorts and it is so cold right now. Autumn is definitely making its mark on the weather. I can smell the leave losing their color and I can feel the frost getting ready do replace the summer dew. I think the most exciting part about fall for me is the fact that it kills all the plants. Not because I hate vegetation by any means, but because it means that when they rise again come spring, it is a new chance for all of them to grow again. A chance to bring forth new fruits and flowers and a chance to be even more beautiful that the previous season. Seasons change, that is inevitable; but springing new life is hard. Sometimes I think that it would be easier to just continue being a seed in the ground than to ever chute forth.
~KL~
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
The time has come...
So... It's been a while since my last post. And it's given me a lot of time to think. I've been thinking about lots of different things lately, but most of them have to do with myself. I've always had a problem with hearing God and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life and I find that this allows me to fall into a state of conscious vegetation; where I am no more alive that I am dead. And there is no point in this type of life.
For myself, I feel my ministry is towards young people. There is so much depression and hate and self delusion in youth today and it kills me to see it. But I feel un-empowered, not just powerless, but un-empowered. Not by anybody other than myself. I mean, there are days when I deal with these issues as much as anybody else, and that is frustrating. But I realize that a lot of the time in ministry, part of my story will strike something in someone else, and they can get a taste of freedom too. That doesn't make it easier, but worth it.
My dreams... my dream is to play music for the rest of my life. Music that speaks to people, where they are at, often without words. I dream of having my own recording studio that would be able to take artists and musicians who are talented and blessed but unable to afford studio time. I see what music is coming out on the radios and I see the recording business as a dark place, with very little light in it. I want to be a ministry in that area. I have this dream of starting my own business that puts on shows in small towns. To be able to empower those who need it the most.
Yesterday marked two years since my mom passed away. In that time, I've seen a lot of things, and I've said even more things. I realize now, that it is time for change; more than I've been willing or able to before. I've decided to take one year, this next year, and be devoted to living intentionally. It's going to be hard, but it will get easier I think. It's time to change who I am into who I want to be. That time is now.
This is my video for today:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3KSWYYJqyo&feature=related
I am second...
~KL~
For myself, I feel my ministry is towards young people. There is so much depression and hate and self delusion in youth today and it kills me to see it. But I feel un-empowered, not just powerless, but un-empowered. Not by anybody other than myself. I mean, there are days when I deal with these issues as much as anybody else, and that is frustrating. But I realize that a lot of the time in ministry, part of my story will strike something in someone else, and they can get a taste of freedom too. That doesn't make it easier, but worth it.
My dreams... my dream is to play music for the rest of my life. Music that speaks to people, where they are at, often without words. I dream of having my own recording studio that would be able to take artists and musicians who are talented and blessed but unable to afford studio time. I see what music is coming out on the radios and I see the recording business as a dark place, with very little light in it. I want to be a ministry in that area. I have this dream of starting my own business that puts on shows in small towns. To be able to empower those who need it the most.
Yesterday marked two years since my mom passed away. In that time, I've seen a lot of things, and I've said even more things. I realize now, that it is time for change; more than I've been willing or able to before. I've decided to take one year, this next year, and be devoted to living intentionally. It's going to be hard, but it will get easier I think. It's time to change who I am into who I want to be. That time is now.
This is my video for today:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N3KSWYYJqyo&feature=related
I am second...
~KL~
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